Monday, September 20, 2004

Michael Moore Strings Words Together

Dear Friends,

That's a pretty broad statement right off the top.
Enough of the handwringing! Enough of the doomsaying! Do I have to come there and personally calm you down? Stop with all the defeatism, OK? Bush IS a goner -- IF we all just quit our whining and bellyaching and stop shaking like a bunch of nervous ninnies. Geez, this is embarrassing! The Republicans are laughing at us. Do you ever see them cry, "Oh, it's all over! We are finished! Bush can't win! Waaaaaa!"

Ummmm, Mike? I'm a lifelong fan of politics, and I gotta tell you that since 1980, your gang has been running on defeatism. The only time you didn't, you elected the very electable Southern Governor. Take the frigging hint.

Yeah, we're laughing. It's like a circus train wreck. You can't turn your eyes away and you can't help but laughing at the silly clowns with their funny compound fractures.
Hell no. It's never over for them until the last ballot is shredded. They are never finished -- they just keeping moving forward like sharks that never sleep, always pushing, pulling, kicking, blocking, lying.

Yup. We evolved to perfect machines in the Jurassic Period and just haven't seen fit to improve ourselves. We're job stealing, baby killing, grandma starving eating machines!
They are relentless and that is why we secretly admire them -- they just simply never, ever give up. Only 30% of the country calls itself "Republican," yet the Republicans own it all -- the White House, both houses of Congress, the Supreme Court and the majority of the governorships. How do you think they've been able to pull that off considering they are a minority? It's because they eat you and me and every other liberal for breakfast and then spend the rest of the day wreaking havoc on the planet.

I was wreaking havoc with Trevor at the club the other day. We got in a few rubbers of bridge and then paved Alaska. Dreadful about those wogs in the Near East, wot?
Look at us -- what a bunch of crybabies. Bush gets a bounce after his convention and you would have thought the Germans had run through Poland again. The Bushies are coming, the Bushies are coming! Yes, they caught Kerry asleep on the Swift Boat thing. Yes, they found the frequency in Dan Rather and ran with it. Suddenly it's like, "THE END IS NEAR! THE SKY IS FALLING!"

Do I have to repeat myself, Mike? This is what your party runs on - Republicans steal jobs, kill babies and starve little old ladies. If you don't vote Dem, you're hurting yourself! Cf.: What's the Matter With Kansas? The class warfare thing died when we lovingly, willfully and knowingly sent a retired matinee star to the White House not once but twice - and each time in a landslide! My biggest fear is that you all will figure this out.
No, it is not. If I hear one more person tell me how lousy a candidate Kerry is and how he can't win... Dammit, of COURSE he's a lousy candidate -- he's a Democrat, for heavens sake! That party is so pathetic, they even lose the elections they win! What were you expecting, Bruce Springsteen heading up the ticket? Bruce would make a helluva president, but guys like him don't run -- and neither do you or I. people like Kerry run.

So Bill Clinton was a lousy candidate? Shit, even I admired the guy as a candidate.

Mike, guys like Bruce were born to run. And who could blame him? This town rips the bones from your back - it's a death trap. A suicide rap. You've got to get out while you're still young, because tramps like us - baby, we were born to run.
Yes, OF COURSE any of us would have run a better, smarter, kick-ass campaign. Of course we would have smacked each and every one of those phony swifty boaty bastards down. But WE are not running for president -- Kerry is. So quit complaining and work with what we have. Oprah just gave 300 women a... Pontiac! Did you see any of them frowning and moaning and screaming, "Oh God, NOT a friggin' Pontiac!" Of course not, they were happy. The Pontiacs all had four wheels, an engine and a gas pedal. You want more than that, well, I can't help you. I had a Pontiac once and it lasted a good year. And it was a VERY good year.

Phony? I say we put Bill Burkett and John O'Neill in the same room together. Remember - one of them served bravely on a Swift Boat and the other was a wimp in the Texas Air National Guard. We'll see who comes out on top.

Are there problems with the Union workmanship of those Pontiacs, Mike?

I could do this all night, but unfortunately I have to get back to work. Mike's post goes on for quite some length, and it is so easily fisked that I'm thinking of putting the critter on it.
My God, Bush is within five points of Dukakis' old Lt. Gov. in New York. New Freaking York, Man!


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