Friday, February 13, 2004

There was a plan?

Your company has a plan? Well, that's just weird in and of itself.

On the other hand, a company with a plan might not be such a bad thing. They taking applications?

Except that it's too cold out there.

When the going gets tough the tough get Wierd

Yup it's gonna be weird but hey that's what I like about General "Precious Bodily Fluids" Clark. Quite frankly this election has been really boring. It's nice to see things heat up.

You've got to answer questions about the 2004 operational plan, which means you have to read it. Even after the $20 I figure I've been ripped off.

Are you guys reading what I'm reading?

South Korean scientists have cloned 30 human embryos to obtain cells they hope could one day be used to treat disease. [More]


South Korea's parliament has approved the dispatch of more than 3,000 troops to Iraq, making it the third biggest force after the US and Britain. [More]


Will someone please confirm or deny this???!

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Rumors, stories, and disgruntled ... grunts?

Won't it be a little weird, then, when Clark endorses Kerry?
What did you have to do to win the $20?

And the answer is

Back from the meeting and the story still hasn't appeared on ABCNEWS.COM. Clearly it's a made up story by Matt Drudge

Pizza was good and I won a $20.00 certificate for Lunch

Trapped in Meeting hell

I'm gonna be trapped in meeting hell for the next two hours. I wonder if ABC et. al. will finally come clean with the story durring that time. Hard to say since Dan Rather ignored Chandra Levy for several weeks.

I'm off, at least we get pizza

Siren Song

Dropping out of the race because you're getting tired of the "Purity of Essence Jokes"?
Staying in the race because you knew the siren would wail eventually?
Putting too much faith in NH and Iowa?

I'm no longer certain which is more priceless.

My prayers are answered

Howard is still in the race. God you gotta love Interns! I love Howard he's a white Sharpton. Aways good for a laugh.

Looks like the Dems have found their Clinton.

Couldn't help but notice the co-sponsor

Christ and Wellbutrin.

Is God sad?

Turn that frown upside down, Lord!

Christ Returns to NASCAR

Funny, I always thought that God was a Ford man.

Remember when teams were sponsored by tool companies and part makers?

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

If Bill Can Do It, Why Can't George?

The Fox News network's Bill O'Reilly told viewers he was now sceptical about the US president's claim that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

"I was wrong," said Mr O'Reilly, adding "all Americans should be concerned" that no such weapons had been found.
Hey, Bill, I've been concerned all along!
Does that mean I've softened my position on Bill? Hardly. I'm merely tracking how realization dawns upon the mentally challenged. GW surely can't be far behind.

Ask not for whom the toner is stocked

It is stocked for you

But who stocks it??

IBM caters to fairies?

Mongo like paper

Today I noticed that the box containing the reams of paper by our printer was missing. The box is always there and full of paper, so it begs the question where does the paper come from. I figure it must be a Magic Printer Paper Fairy. Naturally I submitted an IT Work Request:

Ticket #: 241019
Emp no: 1477
Problem Area: Printer
Problem Description:
In the years that I've been employed by XYZ a Magic Printer Paper Fairy has kept a box of paper by the printer in the Product Development area. The box is gone and we are out of paper. And I'm at a loss because I'm not sure who supervises the Magic Printer Paper Fairy (This is of course assuming that it is possible to supervise a mythical being, but that's a topic for another time . . .) Please help, I want to believe in the Magic Printer Paper Fairy again.

Here was the resolution:

Problem Resolution:
Sorry, we are a Microsoft shop and not IBM (no fairies or magic server pixy dust around here - let me know if you find some). Your request has been forwarded in an e-mail to R**** and the Warehouse team, their area stocks paper and they should be able to assist you.
Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any more questions or concerns. Thank you.

But who Stocks the toner

And then there were five

Goodbye, Wesley Clark
Though you hardly campaigned at all
I liked the idea of a Rhodes Scholar
President from Arkansas

Was the only state you won
But that's much more than
Sharpton or Kucinich have done

I would've voted for you
But I'll never have a chance
I'm going to count on someone else
To kick George Bush in the pants
I have 20 more verses of this waiting in the wings

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Shawn suddenly in favor of Internet Voting

NEW YORK (Dow Jones)--The Defense Department has suspended plans to allow Americans overseas to vote over the Internet in the November election, a Pentagon spokeswoman confirmed Friday.

The Defense Department's decision comes two weeks after several computer- security experts said the Internet-voting system wasn't secure, and should be abandoned.

The system, which would have allowed up to 100,000 military personnel and other Americans to cast electronic ballots, was being installed by Accenture Ltd. (ACN), the Bermuda-based consulting firm.

And later:

Accenture said in a written statement it would continue working on the project. The Defense Department's decision allows Accenture to study Internet voting "in ways that would not have been possible if the votes were being cast in an actual election," Meg McLaughlin, president of Accenture eDemocracy Services, said in a written statement. [More]
Damn. Well, I guess that explains the downtick of ACN stock "value".
eDemocracy? Brought to you by Indenture (the company formerly known as Big Time Consulting)? Man, the thought of my votes being tallied by a bunch of fresh-faced college grads is a little scary. Especially since they're mostly Young Republicans.

That was just beautiful.

You want to talk education? No Child Left Behind?

All Political Discourse in America Reduced to Grunts, Bites on Ass

Everywhere, USA - In the furor following the Clinton draft dodge, the attempt to nationalize America's Health Care System, the Monica Lewinsky allegations, the 2000 presidential election, September 11th, the war in Afghanistan, the war in Iraq and allegations about the president's service in the Texas Air National Guard, leading pundits and columnists have decided to refrain from logical debate and allow the laws of the jungle to take over.

"It was really the only way to go," stated a newly bitten George Stephanopoulos after a recent visit to the popular Fox News talk show 'The O'Reilly Factor.' "We tried arguing like the producers asked us to, but the callers insisted on blood. Unfortunately, things got out of hand and Bill bit me on the ass as I tried to escape for the cover of the trees."

"Sumbitch flung feces at me," responded a refreshed Bill O'Reilly.

Now all arguments between educated, voting age Americans will revolve around two major themes: "Bush Lied, People Died" and "Islamofascist Sympathizer." There has been some discussion that a third theme should be incorporated into the national debate, but those calling for an enlarged debate about the economy or the environment were quickly excluded from the troop and their children were left for the chimpanzees to eat.

Some commentators with a specialty, such as CNN's attorney trial expert Greta Van Sustern have been elevated within the troop for their status as breeding stock. There has been no word as to whether breeding will be televised. CBS is in talks that would include limited viewing during non-family hours, with a five minute delay. A ten minute delay would be required for most of the cast of the Emmy winning news program 60 Minutes.

Through a translator, CNBC commentator and new convert to the GOP Dennis Miller was quick to observe, "Grunt. Grunt, cough. Grunt grunt, cough! Thump grunt Cato the Elder ungh."

This is not the first time that American debate has been so limited. Throughout most of 1968 and 1969, the entire U.S. population was divided between "Peace with Dignity" and "Groovy Kind of Love" It should be noted that there was an attempt at a moon landing during this period.

Kreega! Bundalow! Ungawa!

I've always maintained that there are many things on the Internet far worse than porn and bomb making. Not for the Squimish

Not sure what Lileks and Tom Tomorrow's take on this issue would be

Monday, February 09, 2004

An American Airlines pilot flying passengers from Los Angeles to New York asked Christians on board to identify themselves and then suggested that non-Christian passengers discuss the faith with them, the airline confirmed Saturday. . .

Oh yes there is nothing more fun than sitting down next to someone on an airplane who asks you if you've accepted the Lord God Jesus Christ as your personal savior. The correct response is "Oh you mean THAT, Jesus Christ".

Can't I just sit next to the old lady and look at photos of her grandchildren?