Saturday, May 22, 2004

My head is bloodied, but unbowed

Aw, you knew I couldn't resist today's news two-fer:

George Bush fell off his mountain bike on Saturday, grazing his chin, upper lip, nose, both knees, and his right hand, a White House spokesman said.
Mr Bush suffered "minor abrasions and scratches" during the fall, Trent Duffy told reporters.

He was wearing a bike helmet and mouth guard, he said.

Isn't this how The West Wing started?

Patricia asked why he doesn't use that mouthguard more often.

I know that Mr. Duffy towed the line and said that the President, who is slightly more scuffed up than my son, had every reason to fall, what with the rainfall and everything, but the four other guys were fine. I know, I know — twenty percent losses are nothing for this administration. In fact, Wolfowitz will surely decrease the number of injuries on that trip by twenty percent.

It's funny that he is just about as banged up as my three year old currently is. I suppose it's because they share the same intellectual level (with my son, of course, having immense potential). Other similarities between the President and my son are that my son also doesn't read any newspapers and isn't allowed to eat pretzels unsupervised.

I suspect Bush was actually told who won the Palme d'Or. While someone was explaining to him what the Palme d'Or was, how important it is, and where Cannes is, Bush either a) exceeded processing capacity or b) started to make some joke about the word Cannes and took a tumble.

Terry: congratulations on your awesome bike. I looked at the site and hope you get some kind of per-click kickback. But I think you should enjoy it while it lasts. Tom Ridge should have an announcement tomorrow about these emerging threats to our safety.
For the record, I would never dream of accusing the President of whistling show tunes.

Friday, May 21, 2004

ZOG sweet ZOG

Fresh from his appearance at JodieCon 04, President Bush opens ZOGcon 04 at the Beverly Hills Wilshire by giving the go ahead to VP Cheney (offstage) to immolate 1,948 Branch Davidians and PLO scholarship students in the parking lot in commemoration of the Birth of the Modern Jewish State.

Finally something that Ralph Nader and David Duke can agree on!


A long time ago people used Blogs to relay exciting tidbits about their otherwise dull and uninteresting life. Let’s try that here today:

Last night I was riding my bike which if I haven’t bored you with it yet -- is a recumbent or ‘bent for short. So I’m riding my bike on a deserted country road at dusk. I had my lights turned on so that I don’t get run over by one of my neighbors coming home late from work. This car drives by me goes up ahead about 50 feet and turns around. As I approach him he rolls down his window and says:

“Wow I that blinking light is really great. I saw it from way behind you and I just had to drive up and see what the light was all about”

What I expected him to say was “Hey where did you get that really neat bike?” That’s what everyone else who stops me says. But no this guy is interested in my blinking red reflector.

I’ve got a $1000 dollars tied up in my new bike and he comments on the $20.00 blinking light that I purchased in 1995.

Now that I’ve blogged this I still have the feeling that I’m living an uninteresting life

Mad Dog Attack Lawyer

I knew a lawyer once who said do a rather despicable client "Come admit it you did those girls" and told another client "Don't be an Asshole" But I'm not sure if that lawyer has ever Barked at a witness Didn't I see this episode on Ally McBeal
If you missed the Ally McBeal episode you missed one of the greatest moments in Peter MacNicol's career.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Look Ma No Armadillos

Well actually if you look real closely you can see a certian Armadillo fixing to jump in front of a delivery truck.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Easy Joke

I am not leaving JodieCon 04 until Ms. Foster comes here and personally autographs my laserdisc copy of Foxes!

I'm going to be giggling over JodieCon 04 for the rest of the evening.
She did Freaky Friday and Taxi Driver in the same year. Weird.

Not Serious

Hey it's the Depressed Persian tow truck man

Please feel free to suggest your own captions for the photo.

Monday, May 17, 2004


[I]t's because we unfailingly, unflinchingly, and unthinkingly take Israel's side.

Look, it's becoming increasingly popular for the folks on the right to counter all criticism of Israel with a charge of anti-semitism. I'll not do that here. I will instead make the charge of being anti-Civilisation to those who unfailingly, unflinchingly and unthinkingly criticize everything that Israel does.

We are all familiar with the birth of the Modern Jewish State - we've either read history, seen "Cast A Giant Shadow" or read "Exodus." The birth of Modern Israel nicely coincides (for obvious reasons) with the birth of the UN. As the UN became increasingly irrelevant, as the increasingly Soviet backed Arab world became furious at these upstart Jews and their American backers, and as Israel repeatedly successfully defended herself, the criticisms of Israel became louder and louder.

The question that one needs to be asking is "What will replace the Modern Jewish State?"

  • The pollyanna answer is that Isreal will open her borders with her neighbors, grant dual citizenship to every body in arm's reach and go forward as some kind warmer, darker, Scandinavian state.

  • The Arab answer would seem to be another kleptocracy run into the ground as the rest of the Middle East is.

  • The Republican answer is that there will be no replacement of the Modern Jewish State.

  • The Democrat answer is that through a series of complex negotiations involving no less then forty-five special interest groups, a peace plan will be created that will be enforced through international common law and a special Palestinian/Israeli/UN/Pan-Arab tribunal built on mutually agreed upon land inside the walls of the Old City.

  • The UN answer is whatever the PLO wants it to be.

Show me an Arab state that has come even close to Israel in terms of education, health care and all those other things that the left holds so dear. Hell, the IDF that everybody rails against allows openly homosexual Israelis to serve! Find me a single openly gay Arab politician in the East - middle, mear or far.

The failure of the Anti-Isreal movement is that like the anti-Bush movement, they have yet to propose a workable alternative. Like it or not, The Modern Jewish State is the only democracy for thousands of miles around it - and it is the real deal. Failure to accept this is merely failure to accept reality.
Technically, I belive that Israel is a Parlimentary Democracy like the UK or Ireland.

White phrases?

As a recovering racist please don't tempt me. . . .

Get Fuzzy does a pretty good job with Brown V. Board of Education Topeka. I suspect it was lost on most of the readers today.

If you ask me both photo's are pretty disturbing

You know the libertarian in me really doesn't have a problem with all the contractors. Maybe I'm just missing the point or don't listen to enough AirAmeriKKKa.

Excuse me, I must be stupid.

US film director Alexandra Kerry, daughter of US presidential candidate John Kerry[.]

I guess saying "bit actress Alexandra Kerry, daughter of US cadidate John Kerry" wouldn't have guaranteed future access to a potential president.

The purpose of this post isn't to malign Ms. Kerry, but rather to highlight the fact that the press still hasn't figured out that we all now have the ability to fact-check their asses.
Of course, they all believed that one feller who said he invented the internet but didn't even have a cube at CERN. Nice tits.

Silly, then Serious

"You like me!
You really like me!
I'm adored by French Film Folk!
I could spend three hours of your life filming the paint drying on a piece of anti-Bush graffiti and you would love me more!

What? They were going to question the accuracy of his past films and his sleazy editing methods? Puh-leaze.

Why is this man shaking broccoli?

Gianna Beretta Molla died of cancer in 1962 after refusing life-saving treatment that would have involved the termination of her pregnancy.[More]

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Maybe I should ask what her miracles were?

If she'd lived, I could see that being construed as a miracle (you know, cancer spontaneously in remission). As is, it's like calling John McCain a hero of the Vietnam War — dude got shot down and sat out the rest of the war. Sheesh, where's the skill in that?

What about the other foot?

I like the list, especially the new traffic laws.

Only one little problem nagging at my liberal heart: does that mean that black people should be prohibited from various "white" phrases? And if so, what would these be?

I don't know how many people still talk about "playas" or do the head wiggle thing (usually accompanied by snapping fingers and bugged out eyes), but they should totally be on your list.

This is an awesome way to celebrate the 50th anniversary of "Brown vs Topeka". Thanks, Terry.
I'll post this with "all deliberate speed".

If this geek ran the world

First thing kill all the lawyers no, no, I mean:

  • Every motorist in the US (and Mexico thanks to NAFTA) would have "Bicyclists have a legal right to be on the road" tatooed to the inside of their Eyelids.

  • People on who tailgate while on a cell phone would have a show trial and then shot

  • White Women would never be able to utter the following phrases
    • You go Girl

    • Girl Friend

  • All white people would be prevented from saying (trust me these are increasing in usage):
    • My sister from another mister.

    • My brother from another mother.

This list is actually quite a bit longer but space and time prevent me from really going into it.

Sunday, May 16, 2004


Last post and then to bed — the boy and I are set to play some wiffle ball in Central Park and, as they say in Boston, he wakes up wicked early.

Liddy, Haig, Arnheiter and Calley: I am unaware of any of them getting caught for issuing illegal orders in the military. Well, Arnheiter is close and a complete freak. Actually, Calley did get caught and tried for issuing illegal orders in the military. Geez — what did G. and Al do?

I guess the fundamental difference between the Arnheiter and Calley cases and the cases of Jessup and Abu Graib is this: Arnheiter and Calley committed their acts during actual conflict. Not on prisoners. Not on their charges.

Abu Graib was shelled, but is, by and large, safe. Same as Guantanamo.

I know, weak argument. It's hard to defend or differentiate monsters such as these. I can directly speak to the liberal view of the soldiers being forced into service — I've encountered it recently and, as a military brat whose dad and sister earned their degrees as a result of military service — it's an all volunteer army. Even though we're at times of peace, conflicts can spring up in the Middle East at any time, so think twice before enlisting (right, Brian?).

Mostly, though, I think I'm going to go with you about the causes. It sounds like a lot of the abuses are also being documented around the US (the next time James Brown refuses to pull over for a cop, I'm gonna side with him!). It also sounds like the concept of a chain of command is dead, whether from the cases you mention above or not. Does the buck stop anywhere any more? Can we please kill the concept of five bosses (I thought Office Space would have gotten rid of that...)? It sounds like a lot of peer pressure was put into play and a lack of leadership let bad elements in.

Elements like the CIA and its contractors, mostly.

We count on peer pressure to build teams. We get Columbines as a result (which is not so different from the Shahids or whatever, except sans deity) on one end of the spectrum and on the other, Abu Graib. And the Holocaust.

See, if geeks and nerds ran the world, this wouldn't be happening. Only we have the power to employ a limited form of peer pressure — the same one that keeps "The Theory of Evolution" being taught like it's some kind of fact. Ha ha ha ha ha!! The joke's on everybody except Kansas and Georgia!!
Geez, when did this turn from catching up on some posts to a 2am screed?


Didn't the increased use of contractors have a heavy hand in the fall of Rome?

Why are there more contractors in Iraq than British troops?

Why are there documented accounts of persons who had to testify before the South African Truth and Reconciliation commission about how they executed black people in imaginative ways ending up as contractors in Iraq?

There should be a full accounting. This is no way to run a war.
I'm not really one to cast aspersions about people having sex at the workplace.

Can't we just build a wall around all of them?

Or lock Sharon and Arafat in a room with a rusty fork, whoever walks out in the end gets to keep this desert they're fighting over.

I think I know why the world hates us so much. It's not because we're so decadent (Page 3 Girls in the UK, Italian politicians, Japanese comic books, et al are worse), and it's not because we're so rich (Switzerland, Luxembourg, and Dubai leap to mind as richer than we); it's because we unfailingly, unflinchingly, and unthinkingly take Israel's side.

What? Does Israel have naked pictures of the US or something?

I'd love to see the media that Israel produces to claim their side. Oh wait, I do every day! I remember switching over to the BBC late on 9/11 (maybe it was 9/12) and hearing that the IDF had taken the opportunity to bulldoze and attack Palestinians pell-mell while the world's attention was diverted to the large holes in lower Manhattan. Even Iran and Iraq weren't craven enough to exploit tragedy in such a fashion. If that is what the term "Western Democracy" actually means (which the Bush Administration seems hell-bent on proving), then, yeah, I guess Israel is a Western Democracy. Otherwise, I would have to go with the oligarchy. Anyone reading this that knows of better terms should chime in.
Now I'm gonna have those songs stuck in my head all day. And what about that music video with the chick in cammies? That at least had to be a Crime Against Fashion.

Brian, You're Evil

**** THE PROOF THAT Brian Bennett IS EVIL ****

2 18 9 1 14 2 5 14 14 5 20 20 - as numbers
2 9 9 1 5 2 5 5 5 5 2 2 - digits added
\_________/ \_________/ \_________/ \_________/
2 8 6 9 - digits added

Thus, "Brian Bennett" is 2869.

Turn the number backwards, and add 1957 - the year Ford introduced the Edsel. The number is now 11639.

Subtract 1939, the year WW II started. The result will be 9700.

Turn the number backwards, and add 1929 - the year Bingo was invented, taking many lives in years to come. The number is now 2008.

Add 1811 to it - this is the year UFO was first observed in China and Japan, written backwards - you will get 3819.

Subtract 1930, the year synthetic rubber was first produced, endangering the concept of intercourse for the purpose of procreation. The result will be 1889.

The number 1889 is the year Adolf Hitler was born.

This clearly proves how evil the subject is. QED.
No whining if you've seen this before. Next up: the current Administration.