Friday, April 22, 2005

Screw You Guys

You want breasts? I'll give you breasts.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Non Papal Related Post

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

He says, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have anal sex with a nun."

She responds, "Well, I can probably help you with that. Are you single? And you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin, and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

Easy, quick lazy post. What's sad is how easy it was to find nun porn.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Germanic Glands

Been buried in IIS logs all week. Good way to screw up Tit Fortnight

Afternoon Enfilade

There have been numerous posts over the last few days while I prepared for trial. They all seem to address some ancient and long forgotten set of political beliefs, although the religious nature of them suggests otherwise.

There are no pictures of breasts. This poster has made a mockery of Tit Fortnight and must immediately post photographs of breasts or else suffer some heretofor unknown punishment. Perhaps his email address will be distributed at random around the internet.

The Management will not stand for these lapses anymore.

Morning Salvo

  • Homeland Security listed ALF and ELF as domestic terrorist threats. Deaths resulting from these groups: 0. No right-wing nutjob groups were listed. Deaths resulting from right-wing nutjobs: 168 from the OKC bombing alone. WTF?

  • CDC is all in an uproar when their statistics over the leading causes of death are internally disputed. The order was: tobacco, diet/overweight, alcohol, germs, toxins, car crashes, guns, "risky sexual behavior", and drugs. No matter how you look at the order, tobacco, alcohol, weight, cars, sex, drugs and germs are all discussed in some fashion at schools. The message of most those discussions? Completely avoid these causes of death. Cars are also discussed in school, but not in an abstaining fashion. Why do we expect the preaching of abstainence as the solution to any of these problems? The government itself regulates most of these things, but other than sex, refuses to say that complete avoidance is a solution.

  • Why is mechanically altering the private performance of copyrighted movies now allowed but software to merely allow the unaltered performance of such material illegal? Stupid DCMA.

  • Ratzinger is the one who instructed priests to deny Kerry communion. Wow. Talk about Papist interference in national politics. This guy is a bozo. Considering that Schwartzenegger and Pataki, who support a woman's right to a private life free of government interference, were never in danger of being denied communion, Ratzinger's earned my ire for a long time to come. Rat bastard.

For those playing along at home, here are the statistics of those who have annoyed me this morning:

Congress: 1
White House: 2
Vatican: 1
"Risky sexual behavior"? That could cover everything from one-handed typing (potential damage to computer) to pulling out in time. We are talking about unprotected sex rather than exhibitionism, right?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Actual Overheard Conversation

"I don't think Baptists have a Pope."
"Why not?"
"I think I would have heard about one if we did."

Wow. That was stunning. I wonder who she voted for?
OK, Schiavo, John Paul II, and Rainier. Who's next?

Oh, Hell

It's Ratzinger. I was joking about the footnote to my last post, but it actually seems like it might actually be applicable.

Well, Catholics of the world, enjoy your new Pope!
I think it's funny when an organization talks about how we have to stay away from moral relativism when they actually have a history of ordering torture and executions because they didn't like what people said, regardless of whether or not the statements were accurate. Perhaps I don't understand the meaning of the term "relativism".

Ay, Popey!

White smoke at morning, Catholics take warning;
White smoke at night, Catholics' delight?

I, for one, welcome our new Vatican overlords and remind them that as a blogger I would be extremely useful in controlling our more unruly elements.

Time for a long footnote...

As a member of the Liberal Left, I feel that I must immediately condemn the Vatican's choice of ___________________ as the new pope. His selection only reconfirms their commitment to returning the people of the world to twelfth century. Despite ________________'s good works, I feel that all people of conscience must demand that ________________ immediately allow women to become priests and stop the condemnation of abortion and contraception.

All Hail Norway, Our New Land of Heroes!

Why the accolade? Because only the Norwegians had the insight and gumption to violate Matt Groening's copyright so beautifully.

A Norwegian built a scale model of Bender from Futurama and put a computer inside it. CDs are inserted in the mouth. Brilliant.

I don't understand Norwegian, but the links at the bottom of the pages to move to the next page are pretty easy to follow and well worth it.
Bite my shiny metal ass.

Monday, April 18, 2005

We've turned a corner!

The last month has not been a good one for President Bush and the Republicans. Most people have opposed the President’s proposals for reforming Social Security and most were unhappy with the positions taken by Republicans in the Terri Schiavo case. The result is that the president’s job ratings have fallen to 44 percent positive, 56 percent negative, the worst numbers of his presidency, and a drop from 48 percent positive, 51 percent negative in February (and 50% positive, 49% negative last November). [Source]

Way to go, Gwib!

You know, I'm comfortable with Dean's plan to talk about how Republicans wanted to use the Schiavo case as a sop to their fundamentalist overlords. After all, conservativism preaches smaller government that interferes less in the private affairs of citizens. Yet the current gang tends to jump when Ralph Reeds tells them to. Witness Schiavo and Lawrence v. Texas.

If you want the government to return to the business of governing, you must be a Democrat. After all, you clearly want the government to Move On.
Yeah, I'm having a good time listening to Fox and Friends in the background. What a bunch of idiots. One of their guests was decrying the Democrat plan to politicize the tragedy of the Schiavos when the voice from the left pointed out that Terry's law and the flight home from the ranch by El Prezo were of a political nature.